The first man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and ability to cross this river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about three hours.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength, ability, and intelligence to cross this river." And Poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, then walked across the bridge.

PRIESTS ON VACATION:

As soon as the plane landed, they headed for a store and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, and etc.

The next morning they went to the beach, dressed in their "tourist" garb and were sitting on beach chairs, enjoying a drink, the sunshine and the scenery when a "drop dead gorgeous" blonde in a tiny bikini came walking straight towards them. They couldn't help but stare and when she passed them, she smiled and said, "Good morning, Father" - "Good morning, Father," nodding and addressing each of them individually, then passed on by.

They were both stunned. How in the world did she recognize them as priests?

The next day they went back to the store, bought even more outrageous outfits-these were so loud, you could hear them before you even saw them-and again settled on the beach in their chairs to enjoy the sunshine, etc.

After a while, the same gorgeous blonde, wearing a string bikini this time, came walking toward them again. (They were glad they had sunglasses, because their eyes were about to pop out of their heads.)

Again, she approached them and greeted them individually: "Good morning, Father," "Good morning Father," and started to walk away.

One of the priests couldn't stand it and said. "Just a minute, young lady. Yes, we are priests, and proud of it, but I have to know, how in the world did YOU know?"

"Oh, Father, don't you recognize me? I'm Sister Angela!"

FARMER JOE

Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'!"

Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road..."

The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time the Judge was fairly interested in Farmer Joe's answer and said to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule Bessie."

Joe thanked the Judge and proceeded, "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road with his gun in his hand and looked at me. He said, "Your mule was in such bad shape I had to shoot her. How are you feeling?"

It was then that I said, "I'm fine."

FALLEN

This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well, until the priest died at a ripe old age. About a week after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. The priest said, "You have to do something about the sidewalks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep talking about having fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. Before the mayor could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at the mayor and said, "I don't know what you're laughing about, your wife fell three times this week."

OH MY GOD!

The first Catholic woman tells her friends "My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father.'

The second Catholic woman chirps, "My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people call him 'Your Grace.'"

The third Catholic crone says "My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say 'Your Eminence.'"

Since the fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence, the first three women give her this subtle "Well...?" Finally she replies, "My son is a gorgeous, 6' 2, hard-bodied and is a stripper, when he walks into a room women say, "Oh my God"."

TWO NUNS AND A BLIND MAN

In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the nuns. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two nuns look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Nice ..... " says the man, "where do you want these blinds?"

CHILDREN'S LETTERS TO GOD
Dear GOD,
In school they told us what You do. Who does it when You are on vacation?
- Jane

Dear GOD,
Is it true my father won't get in Heaven if he uses his bowling words in the house?
- Anita

Dear GOD,
Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
- Norma

Dear GOD,
Instead of letting people die and having to make new ones, why don't You just keep the ones You have now?
- Jane

Dear GOD,
I went to this wedding and they kissed right in church. Is that okay?
- Neil

Dear GOD,
What does it mean You are a Jealous God? I thought You had everything.
- Jane

Dear GOD,
Did you really mean "do unto others as they do unto you"? Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother.
- Darla

Dear GOD,
Thank you for the baby brother, but what I prayed for was a puppy.
- Joyce

Dear GOD,
It rained for our whole vacation and is my father mad! He said some things about You that people are not supposed to say, but I hope You will not hurt him anyway.
- Your friend -- (But I am not going to tell you who I am)

Dear GOD,
Why is Sunday school on Sunday? I thought it was supposed to be our day of rest.
- Tom L.

Dear GOD,
Please send me a pony. I never asked for anything before, You can look it up.
- Bruce

Dear GOD,
If we come back as something - please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
- Denise

Dear GOD,
If You give me a genie lamp like Aladin, I will give you anything you want, except my money or my chess set.
- Raphael

Dear GOD,
My brother is a rat. You should give him a tail. Ha ha.
- Danny

Dear GOD,
Maybe Cain and Abel would not kill each other so much if they had their own rooms. It works with my brother.
- Larry

Dear GOD,
I want to be just like my Daddy when I get big but not with so much hair all over.
- Sam

Dear GOD,
I bet it is very hard for You to love all of everybody in the whole world. There are only 4 people in our family and I can never do it.
- Nan

Dear GOD,
If You watch me in church Sunday, I'll show You my new shoes.
- Mickey D.

Dear GOD,
I would like to live 900 years like the guy in the Bible.
- Love, Chris

Dear GOD,
We read Thomas Edison made light. But in school they said You did it. So I bet he stoled your idea.
- Sincerely, Donna